Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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