My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
