and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
