The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
