she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
