Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
