For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
