cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
