I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
