Where did you get a picture of my penis
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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