I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize