When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
