are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
