my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
