Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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