I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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