you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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