i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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