My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
