Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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