i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
