I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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