i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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