I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
