i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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