Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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