i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize