I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
