he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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