Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
