my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
