he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
