he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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