my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
