Come see our sink grown plant.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
