the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
