I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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