make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
