you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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