I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
