Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
