i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
