I faked an abortion last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
