just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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