i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.