Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.

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  (812): My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/tf3w
  Replies (17) Good night (806) Bad night (4741)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...

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  (248): i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times... http://tfl.nu/ibyk
  Replies (15) Good night (5690) Bad night (1184)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.

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  (417): Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there. http://tfl.nu/jea6
  Replies (8) Good night (3595) Bad night (1399)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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  (917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc
  Replies (3) Good night (1674) Bad night (839)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.

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  (214): well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1ijf
  Replies (5) Good night (530) Bad night (1352)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.

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  (253): Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad. http://tfl.nu/4hs3
  Replies (13) Good night (746) Bad night (1747)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.

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  (817): Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer. http://tfl.nu/fjqn
  Replies (6) Good night (1164) Bad night (609)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..

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  (219): N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever.. http://tfl.nu/4w8h
  Replies (4) Good night (648) Bad night (947)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.

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  (847): I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/f1iz
  Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (487)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?

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  (616): I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night? http://tfl.nu/mkh7
  Replies (3) Good night (427) Bad night (671)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

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  (780): I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities. http://tfl.nu/3c8w
  Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (742)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.

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  (505): Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible. http://tfl.nu/eufu
  Replies (1) Good night (423) Bad night (471)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi

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  (410): You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi http://tfl.nu/fnbe
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (456)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.

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  (785): I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright. http://tfl.nu/s51t
  Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (364)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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  (202): Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time. http://tfl.nu/ulsc
  Replies (3) Good night (575) Bad night (1029)

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