you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
