Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(276): View more from Virginia

Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

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(276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk

Replies (3) Good night (907) Bad night (1288)
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(805): View more from California

i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover

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(805): i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover http://tfl.nu/9f4v

Replies (12) Good night (4625) Bad night (593)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

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(617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1

Replies (14) Good night (1312) Bad night (4399)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"

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(978): Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?" http://tfl.nu/0wwp

Replies (20) Good night (6960) Bad night (1103)
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(440): View more from Ohio

He called his prostate his "boner button".

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(440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr

Replies (17) Good night (1673) Bad night (3378)
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(519): View more from Ontario

It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

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(519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp

Replies (14) Good night (1293) Bad night (3265)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?

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(781): What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body? http://tfl.nu/d4hy

Replies (11) Good night (1628) Bad night (605)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?

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(603): Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision? http://tfl.nu/bsbp

Replies (7) Good night (1490) Bad night (701)
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(585): View more from New York

By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.

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(585): By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some. http://tfl.nu/uaz4

Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (450)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Why do you need me to cover for work?

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.

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(715): Why do you need me to cover for work? (608): I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen. http://tfl.nu/izqg

Replies (8) Good night (1168) Bad night (744)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.

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(307): Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation. http://tfl.nu/c3ab

Replies (5) Good night (1594) Bad night (409)
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(702): View more from Nevada

The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant

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(702): The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant http://tfl.nu/bd42

Replies (9) Good night (1123) Bad night (744)
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(407): View more from Florida

Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?

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(407): Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box? http://tfl.nu/pams

Replies (3) Good night (268) Bad night (549)
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(360): View more from Washington

I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.

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(360): I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things. http://tfl.nu/6lmr

Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (510)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We need a shit load of segways right now

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(570): We need a shit load of segways right now http://tfl.nu/bi1o

Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (302)

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