How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
