I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
