I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
