That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
