Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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