We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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