apparently the secret to your success is patron
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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