his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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