I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
