she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
