Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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