you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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