I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
