I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
