in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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