dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
