ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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