Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
