no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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