Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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