You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
