I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
