My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
