I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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