I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
