I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
