as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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